This is huge.
The setting was like that.
It was the point when I was extremely stressed, confused, and scared because I had multiple big-time fears hold me. Moreover, what I realized now is that I was actually pretty consistently scared over a long period of time. Doesn't sound healthy.
Betty and I had lunch and at some point, it almost felt like everything stopped and Betty said this: "Do not be afraid. Look your fear in the eyes."
I even made a poster out of this.
Of course, I was emotional and it spoke to me at the moment. But also this is a very succinct maxim to go to with fears....and those are happening daily.
Do not be afraid. Look your fear in the eyes.
Recently I read about it in an Indian philosophy book.
Ray Dalio also talks about it as a foundational principle.
"Embrace reality and deal with it"
Radical transparency to harsh and painful realities.
So I formed this coherent understanding of this concept that appeared in different forms and books and channels.
The idea is to simply face the fact. The actual fear and emotional responses come from our idea of what those facts mean for us. The actual encounter with the fact is a mere process of let's say looking in the mirror, seeing your bank account, observing a certain negative pattern, etc. The actual interaction with the fact should not be scary.
Thinking about it this way removes the fear from the process of facing facts and thus makes us more likely to do it more often.
The fact itself is not scary. Our idea of the fact is what frightens us.
So we can say to ourselves "Do not be afraid. Look your fear in the eyes".
It sounds like an adult, confident voice from a person you trust. The person who is listening is like a child, the one who is scared. Hearing this phrase or even saying it myself enables me to come above the fear and face the situation.
Facing the thing is not even as nearly as scary and mentally facing the idea of a situation.
So many issues with unhappiness and unfulfillment can be resolved if we face the facts of what makes us unhappy and then work to change that.
Small things as well. I am scared this guy is not going to like me or some stupid shit like that. Look your fear in the eye. What is actually going to happen?
This is a life-transforming principle.
Nothing brings you more power and confidence than first facing a couple of hard facts and then developing the mental strength to bring yourself to go willingly to "harsh realities".
Where we end up is a state where you are not scared and able to face any fact, no matter how harsh or crushing it is.
A state in which you are capable and willing to resolve any problem you have.
Sounds pretty amazing!
🗣The idea of unpleasant facts scares you more than the actual encounter with the fact will. Look your fears in the eyes!