I realized writing this email is my favorite part of the day! So, let's go.
We all know that talk about your surrounding affecting you. Fancy formulas for how you are an average of the x people around you.
I see it as an ideal that you want to strive for eventually but at the onset, especially when you are young and not fully controlling your environment, you cannot always find those people.
What you can do is evaluate your environment and develop a strong sense of self, your values, and your goals to be able to at least see who is affecting you how.
So all of this we all know.
The big realization I had is that before all that good stuff, there is a way more important step!
👉Watch the one person you spend the most time with in your life: YOU!!!!!
There is no need to fuss over if your friends say good morning and if they give you radical transparency. You don't need to worry about them treating you nicely, loving you, making you feel a certain way. This comes back to 👉Optimize for years before hours. Because optimizing how you talk to yourself determines a huge percentage of how you feel and act. Optimize for the environment after you have optimized yourself. (they can happen simultaneously but I am talking about priority)
Why is this so important?
The way you talk to yourself determines how you see yourself, what you think you are capable of, and what you choose to do.
The way you greet yourself in the morning. How you condition yourself before you sleep.
How you talk to yourself when you are working out. Like are you coxing yourself or you are like "That was good enough. You probably cannot do more. "
Are you acting lovingly towards yourself?
Are you kind but disciplined?
Some Mariyam is talking to me the entire day. 24 hours, 7 times a week, no breaks. She is talking to me even when I sleep through dreams and brain functioning that continues throughout my life.
The kind of person Mariyam is determined a lot in me because no matter how reasonable I can be if someone is talking to you 24 hours a day, you will fall for their influence.
During brief moments of lucidity, I realize that more than anyone else I am bitch-talking myself into limiting beliefs, doubts, and negative thinking loops sometimes.
There is no one to help me out with this. Books, courses, videos, cool people, a healthy lifestyle: all of this has an effect but a smaller one compared to what I, as Mariyam, am saying to myself.
I can be surrounded by the best people and surely they are likely to improve my ways of thinking by example and environment. But I still spend the most time with myself.
Let's solidify through an example.
I live in a house with 4 friends. They are cool and we are pretty tight. We study together in what we call "The Office." We talk when we are in the kitchen cooking together. We workout together sometimes. We watch movies. We have occasional spontaneous discussions. But other than that I spend the most time with myself.
I am in a room with 4 other people. We are physically together in this space. But we have quiet hours. But guess what, you have no freaking quiet hours with yourself! That is why it is so important to actually listen and curate what you are saying to yourself closely.
How do you know if you are not convincing yourself of things that are untrue or negative?
Listening to what your inner self is saying will enable a conversation, a little team inside of you with your own self that will give the strength and leverage to do things together. Together with yourself.
🗣Watch how you are communicating with yourself closely because this person has the most effect on your daily thoughts, self-perception, and actions.
**mariyam**